


Why Nott and Jester Cant Have Nice Things

by BambiWrites



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Babysitting, F/F, Fluff, ft two shorties in a trenchcoat, local disaster couple adopts a child
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-01
Updated: 2018-12-01
Packaged: 2019-09-05 06:12:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,081
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16805038
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BambiWrites/pseuds/BambiWrites
Summary: prompt from Twinvax: Interested in writing nott/jester taking care of kiri? Either as babysitters or just temp moms.Im still getting back into writing, I know its not the bestttttt





	Why Nott and Jester Cant Have Nice Things

**Author's Note:**

  * For [TwinVax](https://archiveofourown.org/users/TwinVax/gifts).



Nott and Jester were probably the last people who should have been entrusted with taking care of a small bird child. Between the pair of them they honestly needed a babysitter themselves. 

But, with Yasha gone, Caleb off shopping with Molly, and Beau’s track record with children, Fjord didn’t really have much choice. He glanced down at Kiri, who was intently studying the patrons of the inn’s crowded lounge.

“Alright now, Kiri. I gotta go run some errands. You’re gonna hang out here with Jester and Nott. Sound good?” 

Kiri nodded vigorously. “Sound good!!” 

The half orc smiled despite himself and gave Kiri an affectionate pat on the head before pushing her in Jester’s direction.

“Yall have fun but uh…..” he paused, looking more at Jester and Nott than Kiri. “Behave, okay?”

Jester gave an exaggerated gasp. “Of course we’ll behave, we aaaallways behave, Fee-yord.” She stretched his name out in a singsong, teasing voice. “Anyways, go do your boring stuff, we got this covered, right Kiri?” She grinned down at her new ward/

“We aaaaallways behave Fee-yord! Sound good!!” 

Fjord shuddered; out of all of the Nein’s voices, Kiri was hauntingly good at recreating Jester’s. It was a little to close to having two of the spunky blue tiefling for Fjord’s comfort.

“See yall tonight.” Fjord turned away, parting the crowd in the lobby effortlessly and heading out onto the street.

As soon as Nott heard the door close behind Fjord, her eyes lit up with a devilish gleam. Her mask hid most of her expression, but Jester could practically see the gears turning in her girlfriend’s mind.

“Ohhhh I know that look, what are you up to?” Jester lifted Kiri up and set her on her lap. The little bird cooed and fluffed up her feathers, roosting peacefully. 

“Hear me out, okay?” Nott pulled back her mask and dropped her voice to a hoarse whisper. “Let’s take Kiri to a show!!! She probably hasn’t ever gotten to see a play or anything like that. Kiri, do you have plays in your bird town?”

Kiri put her head on one side as if contemplating this, before shrugging. 

Jester’s eyes brightened and she squeezed Kiri in a tight hug on her lap. “You wanna go see a play Kiiriii? See lots of pretty costuuumes and eat popcorn and candies?” Her face fell. “Shit, Nott. We dont have any money, remember? We spent almost all of it at Putmat’s.”

Nott headbutted Jester’s shoulder affectionately. “Don’t you worry about that. I have a plan….”

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“Nott this is not going to work.” Jester hissed. “And that trenchcoat smells like a wet dog.”

Beside her, Kiri’s head poked out of the top of a trenchcoat, about 3 feet taller than normal. At the bottom of the trenchcoat however, was not a pair of spindly bird feet, but a scraggly green tufted tail and some bandaged, clawed goblin paws.

“You are very obviously two small people in a trenchcoat, standing on each other. There is no way the ticket people are gonna-”

“HELLO YES,” Nott’s scraggly voice sounded from the middle of the trenchcoat, addressing the young ticket salesgirl and interuppting Jester’s hushed whispers.

“I would like to purchase just TWO tickets to your lovely establishment. 2 is all I need. Just me and my lady.”

As Nott spoke, Kiri was craning her head to watch a fly, snapping at it a few times and eventually catching it, all while the teenaged employee watched, mouth agape.

Jester fought the urge to bury her face in her hands, and slapped the money down on the counter, quickly taking the tickets and shoving Nott/Kiri towards the stands of the theater.

“Oh my gosh i cannot believe you just did that, and KIRI YOU ATE A BUG. NO BUG EATING. GROSS. Also Nott, you are lucky that you are very cute and that I love you very much.”

Once they found their seats and Nott and Kiri had separated, Jester waved down the candy salesman, flirting shamelessly with him while Nott snatched goodies from his bag. The little rogue managed to pocket 2 bags of honey candy, a box of popcorn, and a sweetroll before the teenaged employee turned to leave.With a thumbs up to Jester, she scurried back to her seat innocently. 

“A sweetroll, for my sweetroll,” the goblin crowed, shoving the pastry at Jester. Kiri perked up at the sight of sweets, her eyes pinning as she narrowed in on the candy. 

Nott tore into one of the candy bags with her teeth, snarfing down a mixture of candy and paper wrappings. Kiri quickly followed suit, thrusting her beak into the box of popcorn. 

Jester rolled her eyes. “I cannot take you guys anywhere.”

The lights began to dim as the actors took their places on the stage, and they watched as the intricate story began to unwind. Nott snuggled up close to Jester and wriggled under one of her arms, Kiri lodged under the other. By the time the play ended, both the goblin and kenku were snoring softly while tears streaked down Jester’s face. 

“That was so beautiful you guuuuuys,” the tiefling dabbed at her eyes, before glancing down at her girlfriend and temporary child. “Oh come on, you slept through it???” 

A few hours later, they arrived back at the inn, Jester carrying a flailing Kiri under one arm and Nott under the other.

Fjord, back from his errands, looked up as Jester huffed into their shared room and dropped Kiri on the bed, who immediately leapt up and began racing around the room and climbing the curtains

“Kiri what the- knock it off! Hey! PSST!” Fjord scrambled over the furniture to disentangle Kiri from the drapes. “The hell’s gotten into you??”

Jester slowly began backing out of the room, Nott under her arm. “I maaaaaaaaybe took her and Nott to see a play and we maybe gave her a lot of candy and sugar and that kind of thing soooooo…” With every word, Jester inched further and further out of the room.

“Jester what, no get back here and help me wrangle her!!” Fjord was now struggling to keep Kiri out of the laundry chute. “Child i swear to- Aww come on now, Jester!!!!!!!!”

The tiefling was now halfway down the hallway with Nott. “Oh nooo sorry, i cant hear youuuuu, seeyoulaterFjord.”

In a flash, she was gone, and Fjord was left alone with one very, very wound up bird child.


End file.
